It's been a week and a day since the terrible sad and tragic events took place in the small town in CT that was spread about every news channel and media source. It truly hit home, someplace deep within, having a 6 (just turned 7 year old yesterday) trekking off to his school everyday and it's hard enough with all the other questions weighing heavy on our hearts and mind.
Upon making the transition to the new community we currently reside in, I often question the decisions I've had to make as a mother, a provider, the "brains" of this entire operation. Along with the everyday questions I am consistantly asking myself about his proper health and nutrition, his speech delays, his fine motor skills, his seemingly bad attitude, etc etc. I am often asking myself if his school and teachers and peers are really backing up his education and making certain he is excelling at the important academic subjects that he should be absorbing like a sponge.
Let's face it, the teachers and staff are underpaid. This is no surprise. There are teachers picketing outside of the buildings and going on strike for the lack of funds being provided to assist in them doing their job to the fullest. Not where we live (not yet anyway) but it's happening all around us. I have a difficult enough time having my own children running around, keeping them occupied, steering them away from the television and getting their little heads involved in something creative and productive. I cannot imagine having 20 something kids running around, all with the attention span of a gnat and not beating my brains into a cement brick wall. With that being said, I get the world we live in. I don't condone it nor do I completely understand it but I do know it takes all kinds to make this entire world go round and we will never completely fathom why people do some of the things that they do. I don't believe it's because a higher being needed them in heaven. I don't tell my kids this. I think people are nuts, everyday, every way, and everywhere. I don't sugar coat it. There are people that are bad and they do terrible horrible things and I haven't an excuse for it nor will I make an excuse for it. It's life. It's sad. A few days go by, we get back into the swing of things, we go about our routines until an entire year has passed and the news stations are reminding us of the anniversary. I don't need a reminder. It's filed away in the back of my brain where I hide all the other deeply sad shit that has no reasoning. Its all there, stacked high like old wrinkled newspapers set beside a fireplace just waiting to get put into the flame, turn into ash and disappear. It doesn't work that way. It all just piles up and it stays there, a constant reminder that we must be aware and on alert every single day that we live in a world of tragedy and disgust and throughout that there is happiness and joy and we count our blessings, hold our children tight and always use caution.
Now:
I am a stay at home mother. It may not always be that way but I take full advantage of being a stay at home mother and I take my job seriously more than not. My job is to make certain my kids and my companion and anyone or thing for that matter living under my roof has everything they could possibly need to make their life easy and happy and full of memories they will hold close to their hearts and remember forever, hopefully using the same tactics when they go out into the world on their own and one day having children of their own.
We moved to Carter Lake last March. My son was immediately enrolled into Kindergarten after I made the executive decision to leave Millard and venture away and start anew. Millard schools, although he went to Omaha Public Schools (to one of the best there is) was on top of their game. His teacher was the picturesque Kindergarten teacher. She had short hair, a round smiling face, wore skirts past her knee and often funky fun loving socks on her feet topped off with clogs. She wore sweater vests to match every holiday and usually some macaroni handmade necklace placed around her neck. She had a system down and it worked. The room screamed FUN for the kids and they wanted to be there. Everyday before picking them up, they were all dancing about, laughing and singing with the teacher being goofy and we could see it through the window that they all thoroughly enjoyed being there.
Each day upon picking up our children there would be a folder placed in their backpack and securely taped inside was a calendar for the month split into four quadrants for each day. A happy face in two quadrants and a straight face in the other two. They represented morning and afternoon and if your child was unhappy in the morning or afternoon she would highlight the straight face. She would do the same if your child was happy as well. So everyday we could see if our child had a good day or a not so good day. I didn't have to ask the teacher, being as there were 20 something other parents waiting for a similar reply. It was an incentive. All week we could get all smily faces and we could be rewarded at weeks end with more TV time or going out to a restaurant to eat. Now? I can't even get an email back from the teacher asking about treats for my sons birthday or any volunteer work I could possibly assist with.
Further on that subject, there is not even a Christmas program or Winter Program (seeing as some children are of different religions and don't celebrate Christmas), the music and PE programs have been combined into one, recess is given to kids "if there is time" and I spend a full day making a handmade wreath to give as a gift to his teacher and baking up and icing up and sprinkling up dozens upon dozens of mini cupcakes to take to the class to assist in my son celebrating his birthday with his peers and you know what I get? "We allowed it this time but homemade treats and gifts and are not allowed from here on out. It must be store bought."
(((Pausing...Mouth Agape)))
Excuuuuuuuse me?! Are you serious? You can't possibly be serious? I can't bake mini cupcakes with confetti birthday sprinkles for my sons damn birthday celebration? Oh...but I can go to the local fucking rat race in the depths of hell known as Walmart where all the toothless, stained wife beater wearing, check out lanes backed up to layaway lines in the back of the damn store and buy cupcakes or treats that were made God knows where... Really!?
I don't harp on the teachers or the school (yet-I have a few choice words I'm still continually trying to revise in a stern yet proper letter to both) for lacking in their responsibilities of their JOB. It is my job to make certain my child has what he needs/wants every single second of every single day. He wanted homemade chocolate and vanilla mini cupcakes with icing and confetti sprinkles and by golly that's exactly what I made.
The world used to operate differently. Not everything was bought in a damn package, made in some factory using products we can't even pronounce. There was a time when mothers stayed home with their children, they baked goods and passed them out to the neighbors or the classmates, they fully participated in the goodness of life that exists. They greeted people with a smile, they welcomed new families to the neighborhood and invited them in, they accepted handmade Christmas gifts showing our appreciation for dealing with our little heathens on a daily basis with a smile and a goddamn handwritten thank you note.
Am I too old fashioned? Do such values and morals still exist?
I am so disgusted that I am seriously thinking of yet again changing schools. We have made our house into a home and we are still trying to fit into the community, although I refuse to change who I am or how I was brought up to lower myself to their lack of overall social standards. I'm beginning to think private schools may be the way to go. The teachers and staff are paid a bit more considering the tuition that is paid by each parent for each student. This may give them more incentive in doing their job proficiently. There is room in the budget to have separate subjects; where kids can learn to read music in an actual music class and not just reiterate songs back to a machine being broadcast from an xbox 360 kinect and dance along to Just Dance 4. (I'm not kidding..this is real life education here. Tax dollars being put to good use huh?) Yeah, it's fun for kids, maybe every Friday. However, children that can read music are proven to be better in Math and have a higher IQ. My child hasn't even brought home a library book. I ask him, "Why not?" "Because we didn't have time to go to the library today mom." Not enough time?! What do you do all damned day? Suck your thumbs and rock yourself in a corner somewhere?
I don't know. I'm frustrated. I don't want to change schools again but maybe this one just isn't the right choice for my son. Maybe the private school will be the reason why my son someday ends up a pychiatrist and says, "I think it all went wrong when my mom changed my schools and then changed my school again to a private school where I didn't fit in at all and hated my life." Or maybe it will be the reason why he decided to get his Masters degree in Math and become some engineer working at a military defense company programming the radar for the stealth bomber that protects our freedom and rights as Americans. Or do I stick it out, hope for the best and do my absolute most to ensure that I fully push the rights and responsibilities on my child himself, regardless of the institution? Who knows what's the right answer?!
I feel my duty as his mother is to know the right answers, to know in my heart the right decisions and to instill the confidence and happiness within my child. However, I don't. I question myself daily, try my absolute hardest, pray to God, and still find myself scratching my head.
Maybe I'll flip a quarter (2 out of 3) and hope for the best! Iowa is a gambling state anyway. (Casion dollars supposedly paying for the educational institutions...ha) Maybe I should learn to do things the way they seem to do them. Take a chance and hope for a big win. Maybe I'll just vent to the worldwide web, take a nap, dream some, and wake up in a different life somewhere else where I needn't bother myself with any of this. Maybe the real underlying problem is not trusting myself enough to make these decisions. Maybe it's not the school or the community or anything else. Maybe it's me and my lack of confidence to parent these children right and not completely fuck them up. Maybe that's the real problem.
We'll take the winter break, time away from school. We'll bake whatever the hell we please, read books while we're cuddled up together, play some XBox 360 and kick everyone's asses out of frustration because we can't do it in real life. And...we'll take a recess any goddamn time we please and nobody will say a thing about it.
And I'm off...we got some puzzles to assemble and cookies to bake. We ain't got all day!
Upon making the transition to the new community we currently reside in, I often question the decisions I've had to make as a mother, a provider, the "brains" of this entire operation. Along with the everyday questions I am consistantly asking myself about his proper health and nutrition, his speech delays, his fine motor skills, his seemingly bad attitude, etc etc. I am often asking myself if his school and teachers and peers are really backing up his education and making certain he is excelling at the important academic subjects that he should be absorbing like a sponge.
Let's face it, the teachers and staff are underpaid. This is no surprise. There are teachers picketing outside of the buildings and going on strike for the lack of funds being provided to assist in them doing their job to the fullest. Not where we live (not yet anyway) but it's happening all around us. I have a difficult enough time having my own children running around, keeping them occupied, steering them away from the television and getting their little heads involved in something creative and productive. I cannot imagine having 20 something kids running around, all with the attention span of a gnat and not beating my brains into a cement brick wall. With that being said, I get the world we live in. I don't condone it nor do I completely understand it but I do know it takes all kinds to make this entire world go round and we will never completely fathom why people do some of the things that they do. I don't believe it's because a higher being needed them in heaven. I don't tell my kids this. I think people are nuts, everyday, every way, and everywhere. I don't sugar coat it. There are people that are bad and they do terrible horrible things and I haven't an excuse for it nor will I make an excuse for it. It's life. It's sad. A few days go by, we get back into the swing of things, we go about our routines until an entire year has passed and the news stations are reminding us of the anniversary. I don't need a reminder. It's filed away in the back of my brain where I hide all the other deeply sad shit that has no reasoning. Its all there, stacked high like old wrinkled newspapers set beside a fireplace just waiting to get put into the flame, turn into ash and disappear. It doesn't work that way. It all just piles up and it stays there, a constant reminder that we must be aware and on alert every single day that we live in a world of tragedy and disgust and throughout that there is happiness and joy and we count our blessings, hold our children tight and always use caution.
Now:
I am a stay at home mother. It may not always be that way but I take full advantage of being a stay at home mother and I take my job seriously more than not. My job is to make certain my kids and my companion and anyone or thing for that matter living under my roof has everything they could possibly need to make their life easy and happy and full of memories they will hold close to their hearts and remember forever, hopefully using the same tactics when they go out into the world on their own and one day having children of their own.
We moved to Carter Lake last March. My son was immediately enrolled into Kindergarten after I made the executive decision to leave Millard and venture away and start anew. Millard schools, although he went to Omaha Public Schools (to one of the best there is) was on top of their game. His teacher was the picturesque Kindergarten teacher. She had short hair, a round smiling face, wore skirts past her knee and often funky fun loving socks on her feet topped off with clogs. She wore sweater vests to match every holiday and usually some macaroni handmade necklace placed around her neck. She had a system down and it worked. The room screamed FUN for the kids and they wanted to be there. Everyday before picking them up, they were all dancing about, laughing and singing with the teacher being goofy and we could see it through the window that they all thoroughly enjoyed being there.
Each day upon picking up our children there would be a folder placed in their backpack and securely taped inside was a calendar for the month split into four quadrants for each day. A happy face in two quadrants and a straight face in the other two. They represented morning and afternoon and if your child was unhappy in the morning or afternoon she would highlight the straight face. She would do the same if your child was happy as well. So everyday we could see if our child had a good day or a not so good day. I didn't have to ask the teacher, being as there were 20 something other parents waiting for a similar reply. It was an incentive. All week we could get all smily faces and we could be rewarded at weeks end with more TV time or going out to a restaurant to eat. Now? I can't even get an email back from the teacher asking about treats for my sons birthday or any volunteer work I could possibly assist with.
Further on that subject, there is not even a Christmas program or Winter Program (seeing as some children are of different religions and don't celebrate Christmas), the music and PE programs have been combined into one, recess is given to kids "if there is time" and I spend a full day making a handmade wreath to give as a gift to his teacher and baking up and icing up and sprinkling up dozens upon dozens of mini cupcakes to take to the class to assist in my son celebrating his birthday with his peers and you know what I get? "We allowed it this time but homemade treats and gifts and are not allowed from here on out. It must be store bought."
(((Pausing...Mouth Agape)))
Excuuuuuuuse me?! Are you serious? You can't possibly be serious? I can't bake mini cupcakes with confetti birthday sprinkles for my sons damn birthday celebration? Oh...but I can go to the local fucking rat race in the depths of hell known as Walmart where all the toothless, stained wife beater wearing, check out lanes backed up to layaway lines in the back of the damn store and buy cupcakes or treats that were made God knows where... Really!?
I don't harp on the teachers or the school (yet-I have a few choice words I'm still continually trying to revise in a stern yet proper letter to both) for lacking in their responsibilities of their JOB. It is my job to make certain my child has what he needs/wants every single second of every single day. He wanted homemade chocolate and vanilla mini cupcakes with icing and confetti sprinkles and by golly that's exactly what I made.
The world used to operate differently. Not everything was bought in a damn package, made in some factory using products we can't even pronounce. There was a time when mothers stayed home with their children, they baked goods and passed them out to the neighbors or the classmates, they fully participated in the goodness of life that exists. They greeted people with a smile, they welcomed new families to the neighborhood and invited them in, they accepted handmade Christmas gifts showing our appreciation for dealing with our little heathens on a daily basis with a smile and a goddamn handwritten thank you note.
Am I too old fashioned? Do such values and morals still exist?
I am so disgusted that I am seriously thinking of yet again changing schools. We have made our house into a home and we are still trying to fit into the community, although I refuse to change who I am or how I was brought up to lower myself to their lack of overall social standards. I'm beginning to think private schools may be the way to go. The teachers and staff are paid a bit more considering the tuition that is paid by each parent for each student. This may give them more incentive in doing their job proficiently. There is room in the budget to have separate subjects; where kids can learn to read music in an actual music class and not just reiterate songs back to a machine being broadcast from an xbox 360 kinect and dance along to Just Dance 4. (I'm not kidding..this is real life education here. Tax dollars being put to good use huh?) Yeah, it's fun for kids, maybe every Friday. However, children that can read music are proven to be better in Math and have a higher IQ. My child hasn't even brought home a library book. I ask him, "Why not?" "Because we didn't have time to go to the library today mom." Not enough time?! What do you do all damned day? Suck your thumbs and rock yourself in a corner somewhere?
I don't know. I'm frustrated. I don't want to change schools again but maybe this one just isn't the right choice for my son. Maybe the private school will be the reason why my son someday ends up a pychiatrist and says, "I think it all went wrong when my mom changed my schools and then changed my school again to a private school where I didn't fit in at all and hated my life." Or maybe it will be the reason why he decided to get his Masters degree in Math and become some engineer working at a military defense company programming the radar for the stealth bomber that protects our freedom and rights as Americans. Or do I stick it out, hope for the best and do my absolute most to ensure that I fully push the rights and responsibilities on my child himself, regardless of the institution? Who knows what's the right answer?!
I feel my duty as his mother is to know the right answers, to know in my heart the right decisions and to instill the confidence and happiness within my child. However, I don't. I question myself daily, try my absolute hardest, pray to God, and still find myself scratching my head.
Maybe I'll flip a quarter (2 out of 3) and hope for the best! Iowa is a gambling state anyway. (Casion dollars supposedly paying for the educational institutions...ha) Maybe I should learn to do things the way they seem to do them. Take a chance and hope for a big win. Maybe I'll just vent to the worldwide web, take a nap, dream some, and wake up in a different life somewhere else where I needn't bother myself with any of this. Maybe the real underlying problem is not trusting myself enough to make these decisions. Maybe it's not the school or the community or anything else. Maybe it's me and my lack of confidence to parent these children right and not completely fuck them up. Maybe that's the real problem.
We'll take the winter break, time away from school. We'll bake whatever the hell we please, read books while we're cuddled up together, play some XBox 360 and kick everyone's asses out of frustration because we can't do it in real life. And...we'll take a recess any goddamn time we please and nobody will say a thing about it.
And I'm off...we got some puzzles to assemble and cookies to bake. We ain't got all day!
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