2012: The Happy Home Project :: Main Bath (finale)

Happy Hump Day to you! I'm so very excited to finally get time to sit down and write about the endeavors that have taken place over the course of the past couple of days. It's been trying having to start and stop and start and stop projects with kids being out of school for the holiday on Monday and with the infant being more and more vocal of her needs. However, I'm in absolutely no hurry to get along with these projects. So long as my family can deal with the mess in the meantime and I have a plan- it'll all get done in due time. 

I've completed the bathroom painting job and am (again) very happy with the outcome! If you remember the before pictures:

And...

(drum roll please)......

And I was right with my prediction: the golden hue painted on the recessed area of the skylight really brings a glow to the room while the sun shines in :)

I took the time early this morning to add some hooks to a shelving unit for added storage space for accessories. First and foremost, this shelving unit is a bit wobbly. It's an antique: my mother had it in my bedroom when I was an infant. It was a light yellow color years ago and I brought it back to life by adding a coat of chocolate brown paint to it. It's got a story to tell and I love having it in my home. It was once used as storage for the kids' room to hold books and toys in bins. It was used in a hallway to store books at another residence. And today? It holds many accessories, bottles of perfume (which I simply can't seem to get enough of), baskets full of hair accessories and other odds and ends. It's just spectacular. 

I bought these solid brass hooks off ebay years ago for approximately 40 cents a piece. I bought the guy selling them completely out of stock. So today when I thought, "Where am I going to put all the massive amounts of necklaces and bracelets I own?"...they sparkled in my mind and I set out on my mission.

So now there is literally a place for everything with everything in its place, just how we like it! 

I even hung one of my favorite quotes on the wall as a constant reminder for why we do all of this: making a happy home-for our kids to have wonderful memories of the place they made memories in-a happy healthy home.

Before the end of the year (added to the list of projects) I will frame out the mirror to make it appear more substantial and classy. I'd also like to find a quick, inexpensive remedy for the gawd awful counter top. In the meantime, I set out with a task at hand of priming, painting, and perpetually pretty'ing up the space and I'd say: Mission Accomplished!

Now: on to that boys room shall we?

Tidbit Tuesday :: Organization

Today we'll go a bit off the beaten path- who'd notice with the new snowfall we received overnight? It's hard to leave traces behind when they are blown over again. Although not much, we certainly realize it with the brisk temperatures of the wind we nearly forgot about. Oh how Mother Nature continually surprises us!

With all the cold weather being brought upon us I thought it'd be a great time to discuss where to place all those hats, gloves, scarves and any tidbits that we come across when the weather turns sour on us. 

Although I love baskets and have recently stored all these accessories in a basket close to the front door, I've found that it's brimming with wool and additional space is necessary.

While wandering through the isles of Target one early morning last week, I stumbled upon the dollar section at the front of the store. I was nearing the end of my shopping extravaganza and headed to the checkout when I spotted the sparkling isles all decked out in Valentine's accessories and other unnecessary objects overflowing the shelves. As I scanned the items and pondered if anything was actually worth the purchase, I came across a hanging over-the-door storage/organization pouch that I am certain many of you have seen. For a DOLLAR?!?! 

I bought 3!!! 

I placed one on the inside of each of the kids' bedroom doors. The pink one in the girls room holds all the incidental beauty products they have. There are pouches to hold Cotton Candy spray, Vanilla Sugar body wash, Curls Up hair product, etc. It works fabulously. I even hung a mirror low enough for the 6 year old residing in the room to be able to add a dash of scent and check herself out right before heading out the door for a busy day of learning and fun. 

In the boys room I placed the same organizer over their door to hold things that accumulate in a little boys room. There are pockets that hold rubber snakes, Tonka trucks, plastic vice grips for professional and consistent snowball making, and figurines from goblins to Tow Mater. 

And the last pocket/pouch organizer was placed behind the closed door of the hall closet in our "foyer". It's not really a foyer but a coat closet near the front door nonetheless. Inside of the pockets I have neatly organized all the caps, scarves, mittens, gloves, rain ponchos, umbrellas, and even an ice scraper that needn't be present in the car since one already lives there. It's nicely organized, neatly packed up, and easily accessible. It's BRILLIANT!

Here are a few examples to give you an idea of what we are working with. And if you are lucky enough, you might find these great gadgets in the clearance section of the local supermarket. 

Enjoy! :) 

2012: The Happy Home Project :: Main Bath

Ok! Ok! So I know I said that the next project was the boys' bedroom BUT I sort of started two projects at once (involving the same can of primer) and I instantly switched into gear headed full speed towards the bathroom. 

"It's NOT fair!" says my 6 year old son who currently resides in that bedroom, which has only one wall primed (patiently waiting paint). AND he is most certainly correct. It is NOT fair that I started there and ended up elsewhere. However, he has been ever so understanding and the *cough*, shall I say mess?...left behind in the process. 

As read in a previous blog I ranted about the color in the hallway/landing going up the stairs and leading into all the bedrooms and the main bath (which was replaced by a shade I simply cannot get enough of. The more I see it, the more I love it!). 

Look familiar? 

...oooh la la...

Well, that same original color was used in the main bath and I just really couldn't tolerate it being there for one more second. 

It's a dark purple with a grey undertone in a flat paint finish. I am just not the purple kinda person. (No offense to purple lover's out there. A lot of people (including my dear mother) can rock purple in many shades throughout their homes and it looks splendid. However, ME!?! Not so much!)

 And given the shade, it'll all need to be primed beforehand (2 coats @ least) :/ Yikes, right?!?!

I'd like to completely gut the whole thing (bathroom- add glass mosaic behind a garden tub meant for soaking in suds, marble counter tops, a lovely refurbished wash station and heated floors-maybe even one of the those mirrors with the televisions set behind the glass) but again, too large on my scale for updates and redo projects for the house just yet. 

And with the vaulted ceilings (which are great, don't get me wrong!), it makes for a difficult feat for lil' ol' me! It'll take my best efforts!

I'm uncertain whether this paint was originally sprayed on. Given the marks on the ceiling it appears a roller was used and misplaced from time to time by bouncing off the ceiling. Anyone knows adding a roller to a long extension rod makes maneuvering quite difficult. These sorts of things will happen, no doubt. However, from the streaks cascading down the middle of the wall, it makes it impossible to know for sure. What else could that be?! (Don't answer that!)

And last (before) but not least---the many patching and sanding of odd holes that have undoubtedly made their way onto my walls. (Just to name a few)

And we're off! 

I really had to bring in the big guns on this one. 

I am not fond of heights but my jet pack was fresh out of fuel (and given the size of the space, I'm told ---again by the 6 year old---that jet packs would be unsafe in such a confined space). So all fears cast aside, I'm going in!

To add a personal touch (which I am excited to see in the daylight) I've decided to paint the recessed area of the sky light the matching color of the walls for added dimension. The goal is to make the golden hue painted in the area cast the same glow upon the space during the sunny days, adding just the right amount of "bling" without bedazzling anything. I mean..I like sparkle but c'mon, I have to be reasonable.

(NOTHING FANCY)

AND!!!...

Not only have I gotten the first and second coats of primer completed AFTER patching and sanding the walls (AND DECIDING TO PAINT THE ENTIRE CEILING A FRESH COAT OF WHITE PAINT TO MAKE IT CLEAN AND APPEAR NEW AGAIN), but I've also managed to get the first coat of paint up :) Now: all that needs to be done is the second coat and then we can hang some details and bring in the accessories to dress it up! (My favorite part)

(You'll -of course- have to wait for the after photos! Hopefully I'll get to it tomorrow after finishing up)

I began this project last Thursday and although I am completely past my own individual time frame on this one, I am optimistic of the outcome and look forward to giving the room a new life that is warm and welcoming!

Rome Home wasn't built in a day! 

and neither this Happy Home ;)

tHiS iS yOuR LiFe

Will most definitely find a place to display this for my children to see (and read) each and everyday. 

In addition: OPEN to the New Year

Have you chosen a Word of the Year?


Apparently, a Word of the Year is the new New Years resolution and I look forward to getting started with mine (insert smiley face here). A little late is better than never!


My word for 2012 is OPEN and was recently inspired by several different areas of my life. My heart and my head.


I want to be completely OPEN!
Open-minded (not so much that my brain falls from my head)
Open to new beginnings.
Open to putting the past where it belongs.
Open to change and Open to routine.


Open to new outlooks.
Open to Questions (without knowing all the answers).
Open to the perspective of others.


Open to the sound of laughter and endless story-telling...and open arms to endless hugs.


I'm Open to group discussions about anything under the sun and Open to opportunity knocking at the door.


I want to make certain I am Open to criticism and Open my eyes to areas I need to work on to be the better person I strive to be daily.


I remain Open to suggestions and Open to positive influences.


I Open my mind and I Open my heart to the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and opportunities surrounding me.


I Open my door to any family, friend or foe and will do so with a smile.


I'd like to Open this New Year with Open arms and continually Open a path for the wonderful things this year is to bring.


I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year; full of optimism, strength, talents, courage, faith, love, and hope.




“Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.”
(Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)

2012: The Happy Home Project :: Boys' Room

"It is not richness of furniture or fabrics that ultimately gives rooms their animation or their drama; it's the people who inhabit them and the lives they live in them."

In this case: Phoenix and Jaxon 

Next item to tackle on the "Happy Home Project" check-list is the boys' room. And these boys deserve to have a more appealing room than this. Am I right or am I RIGHT?!?!


Currently: 

Can we say, "HELP!!!" Altogether now, please!

To say that it needs some "work" is quite the understatement. It needs a complete overhaul with drywall compound, sanding, and then....STRIPES!

(Eventually we'll place a media center for the flat screen and the gaming console, toss in some new bedding and window coverings and we'll be in business)

I cannot wait to get the wall(s) prepped for painting and visit Lowe's tomorrow to pick up the color. These boys will be far from having the BLUES :) in their new space. 

I believe that having a creative and captivating space will allow them to feel more comfortable in their room; a place where they will be able to enjoy themselves thoroughly. 

I look forward to having this project completed within the next couple days and I'll post then. 

Until next time...Cheers (coffee mug in one hand-putty knife in the other) to your Happy Home.

Tidbit Tuesday :: Sweet Dreams

Having not felt up to par on this particular day, I've decided to extend my research into a problem facing many people today. I stayed in bed the majority of the afternoon yesterday and finally peeled myself from the sheets to stretch my body just before the sun decided to call it a day. I did NOT however remove my pajamas. I simply slid into my slippers awaiting my cold toes at the foot (pun intended) of the bed and tried not to think about all the things I neglected to do today. (There is always tomorrow right?)


I have NO trouble sleeping, aside from the times while I am hugely pregnant and constantly hungry around the clock; craving avocados; but that's an entirely different story :) I could sleep standing up and I haven't an issue with this in my entire existence. I like to sleep as much as sleep likes to have me. I like for my kids to get the adequate amount of sleep needed for growing children and believe they live happier, healthier lives due in part to this remedy. 


It's just NO good (read about it)
http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/excessive-sleepiness-10/10-surprising-results


Getting a good night's sleep year-round is essential to living a healthy and wholesome life. In a survey on American sleep habits, the Better Sleep Council learned that 65 percent of Americans are losing sleep due to stress and that 32 percent lose sleep at least one night a week. To ensure you get restorative sleep, consider these tips.


* Make sleep a priority by keeping a consistent bedtime and waking schedule, including on weekends (which can be difficult but necessary).


* Create a bedtime routine that is relaxing. Experts recommend reading a book, listing to soothing music or soaking in a hot bath (preferably with bubbles--cause why not?!)


* Evaluate your mattress and pillow to ensure proper comfort and support. If your mattress is five to seven years old, it may be time for a new one. In general, pillows should be replaced yearly. 


* Keep work materials, computers, televisions out of the bedroom; it should be used for sleep and sex only.


* Exercise regularly, but complete your workout at least two hours before bedtime.


* If you sleep with a partner, your mattress should allow each of you enough space to move easily. Couples who have been sleeping on a "double" (full size) may think they have enough room, until they learn that each person has only as much sleeping space as a baby's crib!


* Avoid nicotine, caffeine and alcohol close to bedtime. They can lead to poor sleep.


* Finish eating at least two to three hours before bedtime.






If we take the time to explore our most intimate associations with our home, as many talented architects, scientists, philosophers and poets have done and urge us to do, then we may be able to more consciously and effectively shape our spaces in ways that can help us not only to overcome emotional issues from the past, but also to reignite our fondest memories, stoke our imagination and positively synthesize our shelters with our souls where we will be able to live peacefully and sleep tight. 


Sweet Dreams!

2012: The Happy Home Project (Landing Finished)

The weekend has been great to me and the family. While all the children were running around, playing, and laughing; we managed to finish the weekend project and in the allotted time. (Patting myself on the back)


It turned out great! :) I am very pleased with the results. Out with the old and in with the new. 

It really has added a ray of sunshine to the previous drab and dark space. You can see the color before still existing in our main bathroom to the left. (One thing at a time...I'll get there)

It's just the perfect shade of gold (without being so yellow as the picture may appear) to add the sophistication and style I was aiming towards. 

It coordinates great with the rest of the home making the flow from room to room seamless and streamlined.


I'll be updating the lighting fixture (if I am lucky my husband will call a great electrician and we can incorporate some can lighting into the ceiling) to something with a little less of a yellow glow you find in any No Frills supermarket. It just does not do ANY justice to the overall appearance of ANY space. It's dull and dingy and casts the wrong lighting.

I will also be hanging a grouping of oak framed photographs to the wall coming up the stairs. I've laid out a draft of the concept I am trying to grasp, however, I'll update just as soon as I get the pictures hung on the wall. I think it will be a great addition to the space and each and every time we walk up (or down) the stairs, we'll be graced with the smiling faces of our family. 


:) Cheers! to your happy home!.


"Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do...but how much love we put in that action" -Mother Teresa

::: thoughts hauling weight :::

She sat down, hot cup of coffee resting on the table beside her; on her left side where she could reach it easily without having to remove the pencil from her writing hand. She was made constantly aware; every time she extended her arm to reach for said cup; that her hand was lighter, duller; nothing that resembled the hand of a happily married woman. The ring that once nestled nicely upon her all important finger had yet to return to its home and she wasn't  yet ready to give in. 


In her heart she was not currently married, not to the man she once loved. She was married to a beast; and ogre that must have crept in in the middle of the night and consumed her husband completely to the core; bones and all. There was nothing left to identify, nothing left to grasp a hold of, nothing that resembled the man she once knew and loved.


The sun was beginning to shine through the curtains draped over the windows in the front room where she sat. It was dawn. The sky was glowing orange and blue and reflected the golden in her hair as her head hung down, hovered over pen and paper. 


She couldn't resist getting all the thoughts that had been swirling about in her head. They danced to their own beat and made their own moves; swaying and sudden; sharp and stiff. She wanted to something to grab onto; something of substance; instead of the images and words that pranced around inside of her head and got twisted and tangled like swing dancers in a ballroom. 


She tried to keep up, writing just as fast as she possibly could as to not miss anything- but the thoughts came sudden and they came hauling weight like a freight train making it's way down the tracks on a dark night, howling and screeching it's way along leaving a cloud of steam in its path. She could hear the rhythm they projected like poetry being read in some quaint basement bar in Greenwich Village by a punk rocker wannabe filled with hate and love that reminded her of a Picasso hanging on the wall; distorted yet direct.  


She needed to get her views across to him. She needed to awaken the beast, look him dead in the eye and demand he cough up her husband. She was a slayer going to battle the dragon and she was fearless.     


So she wrote. And she wrote. She wrote until her body ached from being in the erect posture for far too long. She dropped the pencil, shook out her hand, took a sip of her coffee; it was now cold and bitter at the bottom but she was far too occupied to think about retrieving another cup from the kitchen. She was lost in thought. 


She picked up the pencil once more; running it through her fingers, feeling the heat it had procured in the moment; she took a quick glance out the window where the sun hung high in the sky, and she continued writing. The words filled the paper like the tension had filled the house in the past previous weeks and she wasn't stopping until every ounce of her goodness had been blasted onto the lines that lay before her. 


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She didn't read over the material she had just finished. She didn't bother checking to make certain nothing was misspelled or if words had been left out during the rush. She was confident in her masterpiece; sharp like a knife and cold like his heart. She neatly folded the papers; the many papers; walked quietly upstairs and nestled them aside his reading book on the bedside table. He'd be certain to find them there. She wasn't certain the current creature would take her seriously but she had nothing to lose at this point and wasn't backing down any longer. Perhaps he could just get through them for some late night reading to rest his wicked mind and put him to sleep; where she currently liked him best. 


All day, while raggedly running around the house; back and forth into the bedroom and back out again; there were the letters. She patiently awaited for his return home; to see the scribbled literature she had spent hours producing; to see his response. All the while, she prayed. 

2012: The Happy Home Project: Time to Prime

A well -crafted home is much more than the sum of its parts-its rooms, stairways, chairs, tables, curtains, and tiles. It's a unified ensemble that reflects your personality, nurtures your spirit and supports how you live. The individual pieces of a home become like notes in a musical composition-each playing a vital role in the overall harmony. Establishing a clear sense of style will you choose materials and colors to shape a home that makes you happy.


How a room looks is one thing, but how it lives is another. In order to shape a home that will, in turn, positively shape you, you'll need to take a look at how you and your family live and what you need to make your day-to-day activities run smoothly. You may also assess how to gradually introduce ingredients that can help you turn your home into a haven on a timetable that works for your budget and circumstances.


After evaluating a budget (which is always the first thing on my mind), I get can get a clean sense of the items I am able to update on a timetable I have established for this year.


I have decided to layout my course of action in no particular order that way if I run across something on sale, I can implement it into my overall goal without having to pass by something I'd need in the future anyhow. I have laid it out by floor/level to make a clear understanding of my road map in my head so nothing gets passed up in the mix.


First and foremost-ALL of my outlet covers are missing. I'm unsure how over the years this has happened whether while painting they were removed and then misplaced in the shuffle. It's quite embarrassing and with an infant that will soon be crawling (and always) at floor level, it's best that I take a count on all the plates that need purchased to cover these hazards. There are 2 missing in the master, 1 missing in the boys' room, and 3 missing in the girls' room. I will add those to my list so while I am the hardware store picking up paint, I can pick up 6 outlet covers to tackle that.


Which brings me on to my next feat: Paint! And lots of it.


I've decided to start my process with the stairs leading to the upper level and the landing leading into all the bedrooms and the main bath. It's not a simple feat given the stairs and the massive amounts of taping off not to mention the extremely tall ceiling and the wall (supportive wall-so knocking it down is out of the question) that seems impossible. 


The walls were painted a grey purple in a darker hue so primer is an absolute must. This is what I am working with currently:

This angle is looking down the stairs into the family room from standing in the middle of the landing. (Notice the nail holes that will take some spackling and sanding)

This would be the taping off part (on both sides)...but I managed and feel confident in taking the extra time.

This mirror will be hung in the same place so no need for getting rid of any of the hanging hardware.

This is an angle taken from standing on the stairs (looking into the kid's bedrooms)






So...after a trip to Lowe's, picking up some supplies and 3 hours of work for the day (I'll pick up again tomorrow and Sunday until it's finished) I feel I've completed a good portion for the little time invested thus far.

Add a touch more elbow grease:

After approaching the paint swatches (which is one of my favorite things of all time in any Home Improvement store) I crept upon the color like a hunter pouncing on her prey. 

It's a neutral yet will add the greatest glow to the area (which gets no actual natural light) and add dimension and depth with its rich hue and golden tones. 

Stay tuned for part 2 on the update. 

:) A house is made of walls and beams; a home is made of love and dreams :)

Like the Movie: Reality Bites!

The words that he spoke; some of past, some of present, some for the future; were the perfect juxtaposition to the actions that would shortly follow. It sometimes only took minutes before the mindset changed and the words flew out the window, floating upon a breeze that escaped to never return.

She lived day by day; knowing deep in her heart she was in love with this man, the image of what she knew he was capable of being, never quite reaching his full capacity. He could talk. Boy was he a talker. Those who talk the talk must walk the walk. However the walker followed behind, dragging his feet, tripping on the pebbles that lay in his way, taking detours through dark alleys and picking up sidekicks that serve no actual purpose, not a care in the world, not the slightest fret regarding the next step to be taken let alone what tomorrow held. He was a lone wolf, a drifter, a man with many faces and personalities to back up each one individually.

She wished for the smooth talker, the confident walker. She wished for the man with the cool smile and the slide in his wrist attached to a hand that was always reaching out for her. She wished for the man that asked questions regarding her, her day, her life; the man whose ears opened up once his eyes made contact with hers. He used to listen to her, actually listen and open up; absorb the words that flowed from her mouth like a wild river without boundaries. His eyes would light up. He was impressed by her. In awe of her existence and being

She still wished for that man. He had gotten lost along his way. He must've had been searching for one of the seven wonders of the world and the disappointment he felt within after returning from his voyages empty handed could be read upon his face like a headline of a newspaper. "Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The man whose destiny turned out falling short" It would make for a good story, had someone been up to reading something a bit grey and cold. He'd blame everyone he encountered on his failures and weaknesses, never able to peer into a mirror and be completely honest with himself regarding any shortcomings or hurdles he may have had to bypass. It was excuses and endless psychotherapy pointing fingers to the other person, the person he once loved and now seemed ashamed of

Amazing how men are capable of courting a beautiful young smart and funny woman and strip everything away over the years so she feels of nothingness.

After all the words; and again, there were endless amount of words, in email, through text, love letters written, conversations been had; that he could make her feel so weak and worthless when all she ever did was exactly what he had asked of her.

"Let's get married," he had said.

"I'm at work right now. Can we talk about this later?"

He insisted. Pushed, prodded, pleaded, and persuaded.

It wasn't like she had imagined. There was no big proposal, no nervousness, no awkward moment. She had that before him, he must have thought since she had in the past that there was no need for such romance or gesture.

After they left City Hall, it was like just like any other day. They picked their kids up from school, ate dinner, and went to bed.

One year later she made dinner after not having heard of any other plans that could be taking place. He came and he left, along with one of the nameless sidekicks he chose to have as flavor as the week. She called a friend, enjoyed cracking open a bottle of beer to assist in celebration. Words flew from her mouth drifting to the open ears of the friend standing in her kitchen accompanying her. It wasn't at all what it had been, what it had seemed. It was reality. And just like the movie, it bites!

Dead End

Her world was rapidly crumbling around her. The very thread that had kept the relationship together for so long was unravelling. The decay had set in and nothing resembled what it once had. It was a massive mess of death mixed in with a just the right amount of hate. And she was scooping it up in heaped helpings and feeding it to herself, imagining it was something other than what it actually was.

The ingredients that were forming the mass of the marriage meatloaf were now resentment, hatred, unwillingness, anger, and despise. It was nothing as it used to be and she didn't expect the feelings that once resided in their home; in their marriage; to ever return to them again. They lived in a world where fairies and princesses were crowned or saved by knights on white horses.

All the words had been said; the really hateful words that she didn't deem necessary to be in the Merriam-Webster dictionary along with the words she craved to hear. They belonged in their own book, hidden far far away, out of reach to anyone aside from the Grim Reaper himself; on a shelf that needed stairs, ladders, and step stools to reach upon exiting a labyrinth filled with goblins and goons.

She didn't expect for her life to be rainbows and butterflies, not since she was a small girl with those images flashed upon her Lisa Frank trapper keeper filled with notes with doodles of lace and the i's marked with a heart at the top. However, she did expect a bit of respect and dignity; decency no less; to be provided to her, not because she deserved it necessarily, but because she was in fact human and a woman. He must had forgotten, along with his identity; if ever an identity ever existed.

Day after day, hour after miserable hour clicking by, unwinding and only leaving her feeling ragged, depleted, and enraged. They could not possibly continue like this. It was a dead end. There was a large sign posted on a brick wall at the end of the road and she hadn't enough strength to neither climb it nor try crashing through it. She placed her forehead lightly on the cold red brick; trying to gain her breath. She turned around, leaning her head back and pointing it to the sky. The sun appeared dull behind a giant grey cloud hovering directly over her, although she squinted from the sting that was left behind after all the tears had disappeared. She slid her body down, feeling the texture of the wall until her bottom was placed on the could cement underneath, her knees tucked in close to her chin and her feet planted solidly on the ground in front of her. She laughed at the absolute irony she had placed herself in. “Feet planted solidly on the ground in front of her,” which reminded her of the expression that meant that everything was in order, going to plan, confident, strong, heading down a path laid for the future. She was in the complete opposite position. It was like gravity had given up on her and turned it's back and ran away. Memories and images danced before her, floating along in thin air. They were always out of reach, impossible to actually consume. It was all a figment of her imagination, as was her thinking that this marriage was ever going to amount to anything. It was unreachable and inconsumable. It was intolerable. Absolutely ridiculous at this point.

When she was a small girl her family visited an amusement park. She was only 12 or so and the steel bars and wooden beams that the roller coasters were made of didn't secure her space in line. She didn't feel confident in them and was shaking at the knees, palms sweaty. She never did get over the hurdle, never did feel comfortable enough to be strapped down in a steel cage and twirl and dance along more steel to flip upside down and jerk and jolt to every which side and feel nauseous upon exiting. She couldn't believe others paid for this sort of torture.

Looking back now, she realized she was paying for it everyday. The emotional roller coaster of this man; made up of manipulation, downgrading, and pure hatred left her feeling tossed, tangled, and downright sick to her stomach. Up and down, up and down, jerked to the right, jolted to the left. Her head felt too heavy for her body to support. Her brain shaken inside of her skull and sending signals to the rest of her body to “WATCH OUT!” She was merely 28 years old and feeling like an old woman with a cane needing to place her teeth in her mouth every morning before the arguing began.

And the words had been said, back and forth and back and forth; battles fought and lost. There was never a win. Winning would be overcoming the obstacles, pushing forth, moving forward and bypassing the feats with grace and composure. There was no grace, no composure, no discipline; there was no love. It was gone, like it had packed up with gravity and they headed out to a whirlwind adventure on their own. Perhaps they took the fun along with them. She hoped it worked out for them and they found happiness along their path.