The words that he spoke; some of past, some of present, some for the future; were the perfect juxtaposition to the actions that would shortly follow. It sometimes only took minutes before the mindset changed and the words flew out the window, floating upon a breeze that escaped to never return.
She lived day by day; knowing deep in her heart she was in love with this man, the image of what she knew he was capable of being, never quite reaching his full capacity. He could talk. Boy was he a talker. Those who talk the talk must walk the walk. However the walker followed behind, dragging his feet, tripping on the pebbles that lay in his way, taking detours through dark alleys and picking up sidekicks that serve no actual purpose, not a care in the world, not the slightest fret regarding the next step to be taken let alone what tomorrow held. He was a lone wolf, a drifter, a man with many faces and personalities to back up each one individually.
She wished for the smooth talker, the confident walker. She wished for the man with the cool smile and the slide in his wrist attached to a hand that was always reaching out for her. She wished for the man that asked questions regarding her, her day, her life; the man whose ears opened up once his eyes made contact with hers. He used to listen to her, actually listen and open up; absorb the words that flowed from her mouth like a wild river without boundaries. His eyes would light up. He was impressed by her. In awe of her existence and being
She still wished for that man. He had gotten lost along his way. He must've had been searching for one of the seven wonders of the world and the disappointment he felt within after returning from his voyages empty handed could be read upon his face like a headline of a newspaper. "Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The man whose destiny turned out falling short" It would make for a good story, had someone been up to reading something a bit grey and cold. He'd blame everyone he encountered on his failures and weaknesses, never able to peer into a mirror and be completely honest with himself regarding any shortcomings or hurdles he may have had to bypass. It was excuses and endless psychotherapy pointing fingers to the other person, the person he once loved and now seemed ashamed of
Amazing how men are capable of courting a beautiful young smart and funny woman and strip everything away over the years so she feels of nothingness.
After all the words; and again, there were endless amount of words, in email, through text, love letters written, conversations been had; that he could make her feel so weak and worthless when all she ever did was exactly what he had asked of her.
"Let's get married," he had said.
"I'm at work right now. Can we talk about this later?"
He insisted. Pushed, prodded, pleaded, and persuaded.
It wasn't like she had imagined. There was no big proposal, no nervousness, no awkward moment. She had that before him, he must have thought since she had in the past that there was no need for such romance or gesture.
After they left City Hall, it was like just like any other day. They picked their kids up from school, ate dinner, and went to bed.
One year later she made dinner after not having heard of any other plans that could be taking place. He came and he left, along with one of the nameless sidekicks he chose to have as flavor as the week. She called a friend, enjoyed cracking open a bottle of beer to assist in celebration. Words flew from her mouth drifting to the open ears of the friend standing in her kitchen accompanying her. It wasn't at all what it had been, what it had seemed. It was reality. And just like the movie, it bites!
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