Today is a day when nothing seems to be going my way. Although the sun shines it does not overpower the bitter coldness that blows upon the breeze which has resulted in chilling my insides to the depth of my soul. I'm not in a good place. Not just my internal temperature has been effected. Sadly enough, my mood has buckled under pressure and it's on a continuous, downward, out-of- control spiral to a deeper and darker place of recklessness. And I am looking forward to this lash out!
I've moved into a new community that hasn't exactly welcomed me with open arms. Having gone through the mess in which we (my little family) went through (no sense in getting into details, everyone has these periods in their life ie: divorce being one of them). Trust me: I understand the concept of being the "new kid" in town; locals having been born and raised here, cliques having been formed, families having grown up and bonded since a young age. I grew up in such a small town. I know the close knit community feel and I know that "outsiders" have a more difficult time getting comfortable in their surroundings. However, we continue on. We plaster a smile upon our faces just like we did in West Omaha when we were truly unhappy. We parade around with a strut in our step like we haven't a care in the world. Truth is: I'm here! (and I'm queer) NO! That's a joke. We wouldn't want to go starting rumors while we are still new in town now, would we?!
I had to go through hell and back to get to where I am now, and by "I", I do mean me and my children, which are the utmost important thing in my life and even that seems like an understatement. Why are people so quick to judge? Why so quick to automatically shun someone or make them feel like they are anything less when you haven't a fucking clue what kind of a mess they had to get through to get into the situation they are now? Just trying to start a new life here, with my happy and healthy kids, in my clean and comfortable home. What's so wrong with that? Throw me a freaking bone.
And hearing stories! Ohhh the horrific stories of the people with less than meaningful manners and no morals at all to speak of. We live in a country when it's generally safe to walk down the sidewalk with our children in tow, where we aren't plagued by not being able to drink water from the tap for fear of growing an extra limb out of the top our heads, a place where we can sleep soundly at night knowing our possessions are just that; OUR possessions) and backed by the men in blue with badges upon their chests that can be here as fast it takes for me to dial in on my iphone (which is a blessing in itself).
Our children run a rat race of getting involved into their own community, an educational institution where freedom to say "The Pledge of Allegiance" is an honor and knowing our rights as citizens is embedded in us since an early age. (Even if that does mean correcting our children in public is illegal- "just wait til we get home" has come across my tongue in more instances than one).
I haven't the patience, nor the tolerance for such ignorance, not today! GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE! We are all just swimming in a fishbowl, trying to survive, tucking our children into bed at night and saying our prayers before we tuck ourselves in, giving thanks for another day of the sun shining and the safety that our country has been blessed to be backed by the many men and women in uniform. We think about the things we should overcome as individuals; to become better people, better parents, better friends, better citizens in our community. Get your thoughts in the right place, I'm getting tired of constantly being the better person in these situations.
Good things come to good people. It's a motto I've lived by since I was old enough to form a thought of my own and by golly I'll stand by even when the road is dark and dim. We all have days (today being one of them) when our rage and jealousy makes it just a wee bit tougher to thank someone for all the good in your life, when the smallest incident can result in the biggest blow-out, when breathing wrong in my general direction leaves a running image in my mind of me barreling across the table and ripping your head off. Why would you possibly want to drive me there? I try to act like a lady, a level headed gal with the sense god gave me, with dignity and class to surpass the rest. Don't make me act any different by pissing me off to the point I come out of my exterior and go loco on your trailer trash acting ass. And yes! I did just say "loco". I happened to pick it up by one of your friends I ran into at the local watering hole. I hate to stoop to your level but just to prove a point, I will do so and kick your ass all over your community in the meantime making a fool of us both.
A smile is contagious, right?! Yeah, so is a yawn and your petty bullshit is boring the hell out of me. Instead of constantly looking at other people and the life they lead, take the time to look around you and realize what god has blessed you with, not what other people have. I'd love to be many things ie: thinner, smarter, prettier, richer, and a lot less of many other things. However, I have all of the things I need to make my life comfortable and enough love given back by my children and my lovely boyfriend (which as luck would have it: was born and raised in the same said community; at least he has the decency to acknowledge a good woman when he sees one!) give to me every single day and night. What more could I ask for?
And if throwing up my middle finger and saluting you with a big "FUCK YOU!" is the only way you can understand that I'd like to be welcomed to the town, by all means "FUCK YOU ALL!" :) and I look forward to incorporating myself further into the life you are unfortunately so unhappy with.
(((taking a deep breath)))
And I am certain tomorrow I'll be back to my normal fun loving self and will continually brush all things from the shoulder and give a damn less. I look forward to the sun rising again tomorrow and getting me back to a better place, in the meantime, stay out of my face.
I've moved into a new community that hasn't exactly welcomed me with open arms. Having gone through the mess in which we (my little family) went through (no sense in getting into details, everyone has these periods in their life ie: divorce being one of them). Trust me: I understand the concept of being the "new kid" in town; locals having been born and raised here, cliques having been formed, families having grown up and bonded since a young age. I grew up in such a small town. I know the close knit community feel and I know that "outsiders" have a more difficult time getting comfortable in their surroundings. However, we continue on. We plaster a smile upon our faces just like we did in West Omaha when we were truly unhappy. We parade around with a strut in our step like we haven't a care in the world. Truth is: I'm here! (and I'm queer) NO! That's a joke. We wouldn't want to go starting rumors while we are still new in town now, would we?!
I had to go through hell and back to get to where I am now, and by "I", I do mean me and my children, which are the utmost important thing in my life and even that seems like an understatement. Why are people so quick to judge? Why so quick to automatically shun someone or make them feel like they are anything less when you haven't a fucking clue what kind of a mess they had to get through to get into the situation they are now? Just trying to start a new life here, with my happy and healthy kids, in my clean and comfortable home. What's so wrong with that? Throw me a freaking bone.
And hearing stories! Ohhh the horrific stories of the people with less than meaningful manners and no morals at all to speak of. We live in a country when it's generally safe to walk down the sidewalk with our children in tow, where we aren't plagued by not being able to drink water from the tap for fear of growing an extra limb out of the top our heads, a place where we can sleep soundly at night knowing our possessions are just that; OUR possessions) and backed by the men in blue with badges upon their chests that can be here as fast it takes for me to dial in on my iphone (which is a blessing in itself).
Our children run a rat race of getting involved into their own community, an educational institution where freedom to say "The Pledge of Allegiance" is an honor and knowing our rights as citizens is embedded in us since an early age. (Even if that does mean correcting our children in public is illegal- "just wait til we get home" has come across my tongue in more instances than one).
I haven't the patience, nor the tolerance for such ignorance, not today! GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE! We are all just swimming in a fishbowl, trying to survive, tucking our children into bed at night and saying our prayers before we tuck ourselves in, giving thanks for another day of the sun shining and the safety that our country has been blessed to be backed by the many men and women in uniform. We think about the things we should overcome as individuals; to become better people, better parents, better friends, better citizens in our community. Get your thoughts in the right place, I'm getting tired of constantly being the better person in these situations.
Good things come to good people. It's a motto I've lived by since I was old enough to form a thought of my own and by golly I'll stand by even when the road is dark and dim. We all have days (today being one of them) when our rage and jealousy makes it just a wee bit tougher to thank someone for all the good in your life, when the smallest incident can result in the biggest blow-out, when breathing wrong in my general direction leaves a running image in my mind of me barreling across the table and ripping your head off. Why would you possibly want to drive me there? I try to act like a lady, a level headed gal with the sense god gave me, with dignity and class to surpass the rest. Don't make me act any different by pissing me off to the point I come out of my exterior and go loco on your trailer trash acting ass. And yes! I did just say "loco". I happened to pick it up by one of your friends I ran into at the local watering hole. I hate to stoop to your level but just to prove a point, I will do so and kick your ass all over your community in the meantime making a fool of us both.
A smile is contagious, right?! Yeah, so is a yawn and your petty bullshit is boring the hell out of me. Instead of constantly looking at other people and the life they lead, take the time to look around you and realize what god has blessed you with, not what other people have. I'd love to be many things ie: thinner, smarter, prettier, richer, and a lot less of many other things. However, I have all of the things I need to make my life comfortable and enough love given back by my children and my lovely boyfriend (which as luck would have it: was born and raised in the same said community; at least he has the decency to acknowledge a good woman when he sees one!) give to me every single day and night. What more could I ask for?
And if throwing up my middle finger and saluting you with a big "FUCK YOU!" is the only way you can understand that I'd like to be welcomed to the town, by all means "FUCK YOU ALL!" :) and I look forward to incorporating myself further into the life you are unfortunately so unhappy with.
(((taking a deep breath)))
And I am certain tomorrow I'll be back to my normal fun loving self and will continually brush all things from the shoulder and give a damn less. I look forward to the sun rising again tomorrow and getting me back to a better place, in the meantime, stay out of my face.
No comments:
Post a Comment