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As I lay here in bed, staring up at the ceiling, wondering why in the hell I am unable to sleep when frankly I can't think straight all day today (let alone stand up properly) filled from head to toe with complete exhaustion, I am hearing snores and sounds of sleeping bodies surrounding me. It brings a smile to my face and perhaps I answer my own question. ...sleep can wait tonight...

I have Jaxon in bed next to me, which isn't a habit in our home. We all have our own beds and our own "space" for good reason (sanity) so him being snuggled in the queen's bed tonight is a treat for him (and this queen-although I won't admit that to him).

He is completely comfortable, completely vulnerable. I wonder what he dreams of. I hope something entirely juvenile and he enjoys these moments. Kids grow too fast and I often find worry pressing down on him at too early of a stage in his growing cycle. He gets that from me I am certain. I never was so tightly wound, until I gave birth to him. I think striving to be a perfect mother took it's toll on me and rubbed off on him in the process of my wanting perfection in his life. We now make each other nervous, when we're not too busy just being "us" and having fun. Frequently reminding myself to meditate and breathe brings peace and comfort to my mommy soul.

And then...

I have Viand squeaking on my opposite side. Laying peacefully in the bassinet placed by my bedside. Someone once told me that babies dream about boobies and bubbles, which made me laugh hysterically. Part of me thinks thats absolutely true. Whatever she is dreaming about often makes her smile, eyes closed but not tight.

Both of my children sleep like me...excessively and with eyes half open. It's not a joke. It's established and made habit in infancy and it's something we don't even realize we do until the embarrassing moment when it's brought to our attention.

I have a polaroid picture of myself, shot by my father approximately 22 years ago or so. I'm face down, on the carpeted floor in our living room, dressed from head to toe in New Kids on the Block pajamas, head to the right, mouth ajar producing oodles of slobber, and eyes almost completely open. Had they not have been rolled into the back of my cranium, you'd swear I was either in a coma or dead.

Luckily we have long eye lashes which produce a shutter-like effect. Louvered shutters at that, which funny enough is an item I'm currently bidding for on eBay. These "shutter eye lashes" act as a shade from any light trying to keep us awake. I'm telling you...we are a family of sleep lovers! Not much keeps us awake.

Which is why I find it so extremely odd that as of late I seem to have nights of insomnia. It's unlike me and completely out of character. I think about all the other things I could be doing ie: laundry, studying for a test I have yet to pass, reading, perfecting my extremely horrendous knitting skills.

Although, I do highly recommend taking a night off from snoozing, even if only for an hour, to listen to the beautiful production sleeping children put on while the rest of the world falls into the suspension of consciousness. Leopold Strokowski himself could not masterfully conduct such an orchestra.

Let's not forget Moni, the sweetest and smallest of all Shih Tzu's, at the foot of the bed, sawing logs. She is the master of snoring and also sleeps with eyes open. She is certainly one of us :)

So there you have it...a family snuggled into one bedroom, all within feet of each other, somberly snoring, sleeping with eyes slivered open, dreaming and smiling. My entire world is at peace.

Life is good :)