Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

My cousin has passed on. Although we mourn his death I imagine that others are lifting their veils upon his arrival to wherever it is we go upon passing. It's hard to swallow. It's a tough situation for me. It's a difficult situation for my family, (for any family) but it's something that happened. And especially being in the situation he was in, knowing he had such a tough time getting ahead in life, knowing that unexpected day would come. ... Death is always unexpected and can never be prepared for nor easy to swallow.

He didn't die an honorable death. He wasn't shot in combat or during the call of duty. He was shot because guns kill people and uneducated people holding guns shoot people because words are beyond their comprehension. Living the rest of their lives behind bars is what the future holds for them and they are content with that. Whether behind bars in an institution, their minds are behind bars while out in the world, not knowing how to be an upstanding citizen in the community, in this world. Pathetic really. They probably grew up with either no fathers or terrible fathers that taught them such things in life.

My thoughts are with his infant son. I don't want to imagine a world when children are growing up with no father, with no guidance, with no man to look up to and find comfort in. How will this young man learn to be a man in society? Will he escape into the world he was brought up in? Most likely. It saddens me to the depths of my core and being pregnant doesn't help with the sensitivity towards any small child in this world.

It's unfair. It's unfair for many. For my cousin Blaise, for the family he leaves behind, for his infant son who will never know the sparkle in his father's eye nor the pitch of his laughter that could make you smile at your worst. He had a bright soul and if he could have helped others, he would have. I wish he could have helped himself.

He was raised by my grandfather (aka Uncle Ted-whom I refuse to call by Uncle Ted because he was a grandfather, a saint, a wonderful man), and had the spirit of the old Polack man he was so very fond of. They are surely together now, drinking red beers and watching Sylawn (the old German Shepherd) prancing around, perhaps playing cards and watching over the rest of us.

We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness. We'd be selfish to believe he belongs here with us.

(: The world always looks brighter from behind a smile :)

"It's easy to be pleasant when life flows by like a song, but the man worth while is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong. For the test of the heart is trouble, and it always comes with years, and the smile that is worth the praises of earth is the smile that shines through the tears."

At some point in our lives, and for some of us at several points, we all endure some kind of hardship, those things in our lives that turn us upside down and inside out and leave us trampled underfoot. Whether it's an illness, a problem in a relationship, financial issues, death of a loved one, worry over a family member, or any of the other multitude of things that come into our lives bleak and uninvited, they are trials which we must endure and try to make sense of.

Sometimes, the true test may be letting go of the control you think you have of any circumstance and leaving into the hands of someone other than yourself. This may be the most difficult task yet. Control is a powerful trait that we hold. Sometimes just letting go might make the worry or hardship that much easier to tolerate, more manageable. Knowing it's out of your hands and knowing that worrying and fretting over whatever trial or tribulation is currently paralyzing you, just might be the silver lining we all need now and again to know that tomorrow may be a bit brighter.

I suffer greatly with control. My dad always use to say, "You can't control other people and you will die trying." Most of the time I do feel like I am dying trying. Combine that with a bit of anxiety, being overly sensitive the majority of the time and top with pregnancy hormones, let's just say it's not an easy battle to fight. Trying to describe to others around you what you may be going through is like shouting at a brick wall. They can't possibly try to understand, or don't really care to take the time to listen, let alone notice. People are too enveloped in their own world to worry about others. It's a tough pill to swallow but again, we all walk alone in this life. Hasn't been the first time I have stated such, and it most likely won't be the last.

You have to believe that sooner or later, the gray cloud will be lifted, and sunny skies will shine upon you once again. In the meantime, try not to get locked inside yourself. Although we walk alone in this life, being paralyzed or stagnant due to your own self is prisoning and unhealthy. Do things you enjoy, fade out the negative, breathe deep, pray to whomever you find sanctuary in, and SMILE! This last part is important. It will lift your spirits; confuse those around you; and yet, it's proven to be contagious. Spread it around, no matter how many tears you are fighting back in the process.

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile!

::: Hedonist(as) Must Haves :::

Ten Essentials of any Women Centric Home

When it comes to enjoying your favorite pleasures, the right ambiance can enhance the experience immeasurably, and there are certain atmospheric essentials that no hedonist (he.don.ist : [heed-n-ist] -noun ::: a person whose life is devoted to the pursuit of pleasure and self gratification) worth her salt should be without. Just a few household basics will go a long way toward transforming any home into a smoothly running pleasure palace. Remember: it's all about comfort, beauty, and continuous intoxication of your senses, no matter how subtle.

1: A fireplace in the winter

2: Candles when it rains

3: Air Conditioning in the summer

4: Soft Lighting

5: Good Music

6: Multiple Pillows

7: Clean Windows

8: A warm, cozy bed

9: Plants and flowers

10: Art that you love

And find a quiet place that you can sit, relax, and enjoy all the pleasures of your life. Whether your abode is mansion on top of the hill surrounded by rod iron gates and a winding driveway or a small quaint bungalow with wooden details and a fronch porch used for reading the newspaper and sipping your latte while the sun says "Good Morning." Your home must reflect your inner style, your personality. It should scream with character that friends, family, and guests appreciate because it is a direct reflection of your uniqueness.

Find a quiet corner, an alcove, an extra space in the basement tucked away under the stairs or in the attic under the infinite abyss of ornate Christmas decorations you've been meaning to go through. Some place clear of clutter, with workspace designated to YOU and your creative self.

In this space, make a shrine. Your most loved personal belongings. A shelf hung above with pictures of your children from that fun fantastic day at the beach. A vase to hold your fresh flowers. Candles to light at your leisure. Post up quotes and/or poems that inspire your creativity or touch your heart. Do whatever makes you happy in your space and don't allow others to influence it. Put a radio that plays your favorite music and play it to soothe your mind. The options are limitless.

And most importantly: ENJOY!

sOliTuDe

I owe my solitude to other people.
There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall.



Having a large family, an adequate group of acquaintances, a small group of friends, howbeit, we all walk alone in this world.
 
Is it what we expect? Not usually. Is it what we hope for? I'd like to believe no. Only so much solitary confinement is healthy. It's a slow process. It starts off a good idea:
I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least - and it is commonly more than that - sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements.  Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that's where I renew my springs that never dry up. 
 
Solitude never hurt anyone.  Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon. 
 
It's good in small doses I assume. Only so much at any given time and it has to be YOUR idea or you'll completely drive yourself mad. It's like absinthe or any hallucinogen. ::: snickering to myself::: (((nobody is around so laughing at my own jokes is an absolute must when trying to enjoy my seclusion from the rest of the world)))

I suppose I would consider myself a "people person" (and often a people pleaser) so having complete silence and being enveloped in nothingness around me (no kids laughing, nobody in the house asking for anything in particular, just the sound of the washer and dryer doing what it does best) is quite a shock compared to the actual grind on any particular time and day. 


As often as I need a break and being able to sit in my completely still home with nothing going on around me, it made me realize how much my soul is fed by the family life, by being around people I enjoy, like sunshine to a flower when the petals have begun to wilt and you've lost all hope that it can continue forward but it struggles through the rays, absorbs the vitamin E and starts to rise against the impossible and stand tall, basking in the glory. I suppose my demeanor may have resembled this the past couple of days while my family has not been around. I am looking forward to the weekend, engaging in those events that keep us going, keep us busy, and mostly having my son return from vacation. 


I want to start a women's group in my community. Surround myself with positive uplifting empowering woman that do the same as the sun does to the flower. Fills my entire being with much needed information and goods to continue down a solid path. Its a Seed that Grows into something bigger than oneself and I believe fully in it. I believe that woman can do so much in groups when they band together and focus on a similar goal or destination. One day.... I will make all this possible. 


While in my "time-out" I jot down notes, reminders, anything I can do to take my mind off actually being by myself and soon will implement everything when I get over the hurdles I am currently jumping. Only so much can be on the plate at once and I suppose that getting through my education, moving the entire family into a new residence, all while finishing out this pregnancy is enough for the moment. 


So many things to do, so very little energy to do much of anything. Keep trekking and pushing on... always something to do (alone or not)

~Today's Tidbit~

Who knew?

Contrary to popular opinion, there actually is rhyme and reason to ever-fluctuating hem lengths. In the 1970's, a psychologist found that skirt lengths actually move with the Dow Jones. As stock prices surge, ladies show more leg; as they plummet, we cover up.



You could call this the real reserve

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