Wrap up the Weekend

Sudsy water sitting in the sink, full of dishes needing washed; washing machine thudding into gear, ridding the garments of the dirt and crud accumulated over the past few days; throw pillows flung about, no longer placed neatly on the sofa and chairs, now being used as lily pad type pillars projecting out of the ground as I watch my child jump about from one to the next. "Don't touch the carpet Ma! It's hot lava!" And he means business. I have slippers on, as usual and nothing (not even molten lava) can come close to slowing me down. I've got stuff to do! But I accept and appreciate the imagination and I hop along from brown striped to teal with brown circles to the flowered suede and onto the ceramic tile in the kitchen.

"How about the tile?," I say, looking back over my shoulder. "Is the tile fair game?" Asking him for permission as I'm uncertain of the specific rules in this Dungeon-Dragons(esque) reality we are faced with. "Tile is good mom! Just Please!, be careful!"

I'm hovering over the dish water, submerged to my elbows in Dawn dish soap and sippy cups; carelessly daydreaming out the fogged over window looking out the back of the house into the night that is lit by the orangish light that resides by the street, thinking of my own imagination and how I could make this chore more of a game; like I would if I were still a kid; not taking things so seriously. But can't come up with anything interesting enough to play, embarrassed to ask my son for input.

Baby is in her crib, Tangled playing on her tiny baby flat screen and she's muttering something. I can barely make it out over the running of the water into the stainless sink as I rinse all the small parts of every Disney Princess character no-spill cup we seem to have in every shape and size and color and character. I can hear her sweet little voice rising as she grows impatient. "Listen here bitch! I've been in here almost 4 solid minutes and although I'm into EVERYTHING and you deem it necessary to cage me up to recollect your thoughts, even if only for an instant, I want to be in the midst of the molten lava that is taking place where my big brother with the imagination is going down!" (I'm certain that's exactly what she'd say if she could speak with such accuracy.)

The buzzer from the dryer blares into the air, startling me out of my daydream. "I'll get to that," I think. Today .. Tomorrow .. Ugh!

"Jaxon! Can you get your sister out of her crib, please?"
He flies down the hallway! "Like your knight in shining armor my princess, I release you!", as he throws her onto his back and they hop .. hop ..hop from stone pillar pillow to stone pillar pillow back to the living room; which could be mistaken as a rec room of a daycare center.

I glance back to see my daughter, hanging on for dear life on the back of her brother, throwing her head back, smiling from ear to ear. "Be careful with her, will ya?"

"She won't break mom! I've tried!" Well, her spirit anyway, that's certain.

Exactly 43 minutes later, both children have been bathed of the daily impurities, swam with some action figures and a few Hot Wheels, tracked water all through the bathroom and trails down the hall, placed into pajamas, teeth combed, hair brushed errr...yeah, tucked snuggly into beds. 2 chapters of Robinson Crusoe read to the eldest and "You are my sunshine" hummed to the littlest, kisses and hugs, tucked in and extra tugs. They're snug as bugs in rugs.

I glance about the disaster area that once resembled my house. "It's well lived in" plays through my head in the voice of my cousin and one of my bestest friends, Zobeda. She always says her house in not messy, it's well lived in. This must be the exact definition, the portrait she was trying to paint with those said words. If ever a house were lived in, this must be it.

I place a stiff hand on each side of each eye as to form blinders like the horses have to wear. I steer myself directly to the bedroom and pretend I noticed nothing.

We flip through the Netflix, we won't agree on anything. He isn't into the reality tv crap I watch, although I want nothing more than to watch the newest episode of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" to see what the ladies are up to this week. He wants to watch something only long enough to fall asleep anyhow. I give it 10 minutes, tops! Our legs intertwine below the sheets, window open blowing a cool breeze through the curtains swaying in the room (just like he likes it). We canoodle, skin on skin, exhaling the day away; together.

Everything is as it should be... And all is right in the world. Needing nor wanting nothing more, nothing less. Completely content to the core.

Happy moments shall be praised, shouted from rooftops, spoken about and appreciated. In a whirlwind world that can be consumed with anger and regret and jealousy... all blessings should be given kudos. And in my world, they should be written about, filed away, and pulled out on a rainy day to serve as a reminder that the clouds will lift and if I look about, life is pretty ding dang dong dandy! :)

((( Happy Thanksgiving :)))

Who could have guessed I'd be here, in this situation, today? My home is filled with two dozen people, two families incorporated into one, kids running around below our feet, the sound of laughter sitting atop the smell of freshly baked pumpkin pie as it all floats throughout the air and fills the guests with anticipation for what they've really come for...food! (and my Sangria: huge hit!)

Not just any food, not just any dinner...THE dinner. The dinner that is beyond all other dinners. The one that started it all, the dinner that does thanking of sorts. The dinner that gathers people from near and far, puts them all within fairly close proximity of one another where they watch football and are teased endlessly by the aromas of what is next to come their way. The dinner to give thanks and gorge to the point your pants are screaming for help. How selfish are we?, really! Oh but how lovely (and thankful we are) to partake in such festivities.

This dinner is always to be special. This dinner; today, here, in this home, with these people; smiles upon their faces, relaxed and comfortable, awaiting patiently; was so very much special to me.

The first Thanksgiving to host in this particular home. The first Thanksgiving spent with the one I love. The first Thanksgiving inviting all the ones we (the ones I and my love) love. The first Thanksgiving where a room of full of strangers were set at a table overflowing with food and drink and candles and fresh flowers. (If you're painting a picture in your mind: it was kind of like that very first dinner; minus the buckled hats and shoes and feather headdresses, but oh so very similar nonetheless).

As of late, it's been a time of many many firsts all piled up on one another like the helpings onto the plates of the guests seated around such said table. AND?! It's been absolutely lovely!!!

So?...cheers to the firsts! And Happy Thanksgiving!

"As you become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you - the first time around."
Oprah Winfrey

..~ Give Thanks ~..

I look outside at the calm water that fills the lake and makes up what is to be considered my front yard. The bright sun shines gracefully across the land, reflecting on the good He has blessed us with and I am so extremely grateful to be given such a beautiful day; not just any day; but a magnificently gorgeous day here only 2 days prior to Thanksgiving. 

My windows are open, my house is scrubbed clean and shining like a diamond; ready for guests, ready for the finest of foods and freshly baked goods which I will start preparing tonight. The next 5 days will be complete with family, friends, food, football, and finding the Christmas decorations to adorn our surroundings with. 

I write this now for fear I won't get the chance when guests start arriving, ovens begin preheating, and the hostess apron goes on. But I want to be certain to encourage all those others; Thanksgiving is a day when we give Thanks for all we have. Let it not be condensed to only one special day out of the year, let it overflow into the other 364 days of the year. However, with that being said; I want to be sure to count my blessings and list them one by one.

The truth is: in a world full of pain and suffering, hardship and turmoil, disappointment and regret; I am at such a good place in my life and have so many wonderful things to be thankful for that my cup has runneth over with sheer inner peace and gratefulness that I can't possibly be expected to keep it in all in nor shy away that I accept the challenges and responsibility in this world and yet I also get down on my knees and respond and respect to the many many lotteries I've happened to hit and show my utmost appreciation and gratitude. (Phew! "Run-on Ashley" I can hear in the voice of my high school English teacher. But I've never been known as short winded.)

I encourage each and everyone to take some time to make a list (big or small) of things to be thankful for. Even if it doesn't come natural to you, take a deep breath (be thankful you can) and look around at your environment. I can imagine someone having some sort of "writers block" for the thankfully challenged and then like a dam being opened up; thoughts of thanks come pouring out. 

1) I am thankful for my children. Without them: I am nothing and with them: I am everything! They make me want to continually be a better mother, better woman, better daughter, better sister, better friend, better...better...better. They complete me and I am truly blessed to have these two wonderful beings in my life that show me everyday that there is a reason to be happy; and I see those reasons for happiness through their eyes. They have taught me that unconditional love does exist; without restraint and I am entirely grateful that I get to call them mine and there is no greater reward than to be called their mother!

2) I am thankful for my boyfriend. For a very long time I wanted to make something out of nothing. For so very long I painfully masked an unhappy situation and even thought I was undeserving of such; and told as much daily. We simply stumbled into one another's lives; and without reservation, conflict, or too many words; magically created a bond and a love stronger than most marriages I know. I am so thankful he accepts me and my children as his own and has the softest sweetest good heart to back it up. He's an amazing man and we (my children and I) are so incredibly thankful he chose us and we welcome him with open arms to our now even happier family; the puzzle piece that fits and completes the effort.

3) I am thankful for my family. They are crazy and erratic, they have issues all on their own, there is ever seemingly moments of chaos and complete madness that is exhausting and tiresome. Yet: they are always a phone call away and it needn't be a small feat. They; together; could move mountains and they would all do so for me and for those they love. They have gone the lengths to prove this time and time again and I am thankful for them (and all their craziness)! 

(Neither my wonderful father or my loving mother are in this picture; but their presence and love and generosity exceeds my expectations every single minute of every single day and I love them both to the ends of the earth and back)

4) I am thankful for my friends. Throughout the years, I have lost and gained friends. I have friends that I've known for a dozen years, friends that I've known for a few years, and friends that I'd walk over fiery hot coals for. Those friends have made me a better friend and those friends will be friends til the end of time. They are truly good people to the depths of their core and I appreciate them today, tomorrow, and always.

  

(Molly O'Brien :) on my 28th birthday)  Friends since 2006                             

(Alison Borja in SF, CA in 2011) Friends since 2002 

5) I am thankful for my new town. I love my home, I love the proximity to my family. I love being only minutes from the hustling and bustling of the downtown happening(ness) if I choose to join the "IN" crowd and yet live in such a small community where I can feel ok leaving my doors unlocked and my child ride his bike without having to worry too much. It's clean, it's safe, it's comfortable, it's home :)

6) I am thankful for movies. I have always enjoyed watching a good flick but as of late; I REALLY enjoy watching a good flick. I love watching kid movies with the kids and grown up movies with my love; either all cuddled on the couch or in our bed. It's always a good time and I give movies 5 stars for making many (movie) memories for me and my family.

7) I am thankful for music. How many times have we heard a song that we loved but later heard that same song when we were in a different place in our lives and really LOVED that song?! I like new, old, country, rock, and anything in between. I enjoy dancing around with my kids and singing along or finding peace on pandora when I'm taking a hot bath surrounding only by my own thoughts. 

8) I am thankful for books. I love to read. I love anticipating new arrivals. I equally love to write and feel energized upon reading to turn around and one day write a masterpiece. I love being able to read and then watch a movie and compare the two. I am thankful I can read good, as opposed to those who can't read good! Ha! 

9) I am thankful for good food. I like to indulge and see no reason not to. We live in a world that has so many wonderful and amazing things to consume completely and I love to dive fully into any dish and experience it for what it is and savor the moments around a table with those I love, eating what we like and discussing what's alive in our hearts.

10) I am thankful for my future! I have such a wonderful idea of the direction we (my family) is headed and a road map laid out before me that branches out like the oak swaying in the wind outside the window as I write. I am thankful for the future of my kids and we welcome it with open arms and look forward to whatever the future may bring our way. All good things :)

AND

11) Lastly, and most importantly, I am thankful for Grace - for love that cannot be explained (only surrendered to), for a Creator that inspires creativity, purpose and a hope that there is more to the story than we see.

“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.” ~Cynthia Ozick

And I want to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. May you have many blessings to be thankful for and may you take the time to count each and every one of them. God Bless!

Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

Today is a day when nothing seems to be going my way. Although the sun shines it does not overpower the bitter coldness that blows upon the breeze which has resulted in chilling my insides to the depth of my soul. I'm not in a good place. Not just my internal temperature has been effected. Sadly enough, my mood has buckled under pressure and it's on a continuous, downward, out-of- control spiral to a deeper and darker place of recklessness. And I am looking forward to this lash out!

I've moved into a new community that hasn't exactly welcomed me with open arms. Having gone through the mess in which we (my little family) went through (no sense in getting into details, everyone has these periods in their life ie: divorce being one of them). Trust me: I understand the concept of being the "new kid" in town; locals having been born and raised here, cliques having been formed, families having grown up and bonded since a young age. I grew up in such a small town. I know the close knit community feel and I know that "outsiders" have a more difficult time getting comfortable in their surroundings. However, we continue on. We plaster a smile upon our faces just like we did in West Omaha when we were truly unhappy. We parade around with a strut in our step like we haven't a care in the world. Truth is: I'm here! (and I'm queer) NO! That's a joke. We wouldn't want to go starting rumors while we are still new in town now, would we?! 

I had to go through hell and back to get to where I am now, and by "I", I do mean me and my children, which are the utmost important thing in my life and even that seems like an understatement. Why are people so quick to judge? Why so quick to automatically shun someone or make them feel like they are anything less when you haven't a fucking clue what kind of a mess they had to get through to get into the situation they are now? Just trying to start a new life here, with my happy and healthy kids, in my clean and comfortable home. What's so wrong with that? Throw me a freaking bone.

And hearing stories! Ohhh the horrific stories of the people with less than meaningful manners and no morals at all to speak of. We live in a country when it's generally safe to walk down the sidewalk with our children in tow, where we aren't plagued by not being able to drink water from the tap for fear of growing an extra limb out of the top our heads, a place where we can sleep soundly at night knowing our possessions are just that; OUR possessions) and backed by the men in blue with badges upon their chests that can be here as fast it takes for me to dial in on my iphone (which is a blessing in itself). 

Our children run a rat race of getting involved into their own community, an educational institution where freedom to say "The Pledge of Allegiance" is an honor and knowing our rights as citizens is embedded in us since an early age. (Even if that does mean correcting our children in public is illegal- "just wait til we get home" has come across my tongue in more instances than one). 

I haven't the patience, nor the tolerance for such ignorance, not today! GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE! We are all just swimming in a fishbowl, trying to survive, tucking our children into bed at night and saying our prayers before we tuck ourselves in, giving thanks for another day of the sun shining and the safety that our country has been blessed to be backed by the many men and women in uniform. We think about the things we should overcome as individuals; to become better people, better parents, better friends, better citizens in our community. Get your thoughts in the right place, I'm getting tired of constantly being the better person in these situations.

Good things come to good people. It's a motto I've lived by since I was old enough to form a thought of my own and by golly I'll stand by even when the road is dark and dim. We all have days (today being one of them) when our rage and jealousy makes it just a wee bit tougher to thank someone for all the good in your life, when the smallest incident can result in the biggest blow-out, when breathing wrong in my general direction leaves a running image in my mind of me barreling across the table and ripping your head off. Why would you possibly want to drive me there? I try to act like a lady, a level headed gal with the sense god gave me, with dignity and class to surpass the rest. Don't make me act any different by pissing me off to the point I come out of my exterior and go loco on your trailer trash acting ass. And yes! I did just say "loco". I happened to pick it up by one of your friends I ran into at the local watering hole. I hate to stoop to your level but just to prove a point, I will do so and kick your ass all over your community in the meantime making a fool of us both.

A smile is contagious, right?! Yeah, so is a yawn and your petty bullshit is boring the hell out of me. Instead of constantly looking at other people and the life they lead, take the time to look around you and realize what god has blessed you with, not what other people have. I'd love to be many things ie: thinner, smarter, prettier, richer, and a lot less of many other things. However, I have all of the things I need to make my life comfortable and enough love given back by my children and my lovely boyfriend (which as luck would have it: was born and raised in the same said community; at least he has the decency to acknowledge a good woman when he sees one!) give to me every single day and night. What more could I ask for?

And if throwing up my middle finger and saluting you with a big "FUCK YOU!" is the only way you can understand that I'd like to be welcomed to the town, by all means "FUCK YOU ALL!" :) and I look forward to incorporating myself further into the life you are unfortunately so unhappy with. 

(((taking a deep breath))) 

And I am certain tomorrow I'll be back to my normal fun loving self and will continually brush all things from the shoulder and give a damn less. I look forward to the sun rising again tomorrow and getting me back to a better place, in the meantime, stay out of my face.

Fashion-Forward-Friday : Fabulous @ Every Age (dress your best @ all stages of life)

zest/zest/

Noun:	Great enthusiasm and energy. A quality of excitement and piquancy.
Synonyms:	relish - gusto - savour - savor "Zest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty attractive without zest."  -Christian Dior No doubt these thoughts have gone through your mind when you've stood in front of the mirror:  Am I dressing like my mother? Do I look like I'm wearing my daughter's clothes? Am I dressing age appropriately? Am I making the most of my looks? Perhaps your frock is in an eye-popping color or print, skims the body, plunges low in front or back, or shows too much skin. Maybe it doesn't show enough skin and adds years. And with all the boundary breaking in fashion today, it is not always clear who should wear what. What to consider when dressing your age: 20s There are no boundaries for twentysomethings when it comes to fashion. It's about personal style and adding whimsical touches you can get away with only when you're young, whether that means playing with color, mixing and matching, or wearing high heels and high hemlines.  Ah, youth! Being under 30 allows you to get away with a lot when it comes to dressing.  *Pick a fun frock. Ultrafeminine, lighthearted, colorful, and flirty are the qualities to look for in a dress, whether it's for night or day. Don't be afraid to show a little skin here and there, but remember to maintain a level of polish. If your dress is too revealing on top, make sure the hemline is a little longer. If it's short, the silhouette should be more restrained. *Try a top with personality. It could have loads of ruffles, highlight your decolletage in a strapless cut, or even be a washed-out rocker tee- as long as it's interesting. We all know the youthful set loves jeans, which go with every sort of shirt and blouse, so let your top set the tone. *When it comes to skirts, think sweet or sexy. Twentysomethings can pull off charming pouf, pleated, and bubble-hemmed (my personal least favorite; but some can pull it off) skirts. If you have the body for it, go for minis, tight or full. Either way, Your top should be toned down when your skirt is special. *Experiment with jackets and coats. Wear a tailored blazer over a floaty frock, a sleek leather bomber with a breezy, floral blouse, or a girly, princess-cut coat atop skinny jeans and a tank. "A girl in her 20s can rev up everyday basics with something outlandish." -Michael Kors 30s More pulled together, serious looks are what your 30s are about, but you don't have to be a total square. The trick is to experiment with fashion-forward styles while maintaining a level of polish. A honed sense of style lead to sophistication, but don't put your risk-taking days behind.  *Go for a dress in a new silhouette. Whether it's below the knee or well above, revealing, roomy, or in between, pick a shape that's interesting and unique. Try contrasting shades, metallics, and pops of brights. The idea is to look cool and confident. Move beyond the superslinky and girly stuff. *Your shirt should have an edge. It can be a crisp button-up, a silk blouse, or a simple tee, but it should be a fresh twist. Neat ruffles, a prim scarf tie, or a bit of ruching can turn a basic into something bold.  *Seek out skirts with style. Though it's a feminine signature, a skirt doesn't have to be mumsy. Look for pieces that are either sharp and severe or soft and subtle. A sculpted pencil shape with a high waist is seriously sophisticated but not stuffy, while a swingy, short skirt adds attitude.  *Top off your look with something striking. Your coat or jacket is an integral part of your wardrobe, so pick a piece that makes a statement. A trim, architectural jacket can be just as dramatic as a bold animal-print coat.  "I don't know if I really understand the idea of dressing one's age. All you need is confidence, comfort, and the pleasure of dressing." -Marc Jacobs 40s Classic silhouettes and colors may start to dominate your wardrobe, but each piece should be full of personality. Think interesting embellishment, feminine volume, and bursts of rich color and pattern.  It's important to look smart and conservative, but that doesn't have to mean buttoned up. *Find a refined frock. You want to look mature but not matronly. More covered up cuts that fall at the knee or just below are appropriate, but there are plenty of pieces out there that still have sex appeal.  *Opt for a subdued yet modern top. A stark shirt is uberversatile and universally flattering-it's really a no-brainer. Choose wisely when you're going for something with detail; pick a solid, sophisticated shade.  *Stick to fine and feminine skirts. Demonstrate more restrain when it comes to showing leg- but not necessarily with your skirt style. A full-pleated cut looks sweet and womanly, while a below-the-knee pencil is a sleek standard.  *Consider a well-constructed jacket cut. Whether it's to be worn with jeans or a dress, your blazer or coat should have strict structure.  "I am going to wear the shortest skirts possible, as long as they look good on me." -Sharon Stone 50s Refined, tasteful choices are the foundations of age-appropriate dressing. Tailoring and structure are key, as are clean lines and fuss-free frocks in a simple palette.  Now is the time to embrace traditional elegance with uptown appeal. Leave the latest trends by the wayside.  *Dress up in classic colors.  *Look for ladylike tops. *Keep your skirt simple or luxe it up. *Start with a clean cut jacket. "I think it's better to tell the truth about your age and surprise people with how good you look." -Iman 60s Elegance is the idea, and so timeless, traditional pieces are the mainstays. Tweed suits, trousers, and coatdresses dominate the closet. Contrasting hues-black, white, and red-are the most chic.  Know your style and be true to your instincts. Fads come and go, but enduring standards will serve you well.  *Opt for classic-cut dresses. *Try a top that's eye-catching. *Select a soft swingy A-line skirt. *Pick a top-notch topper. "It makes much more sent not to be encumbered by trends and not to be too caught up in fashion, no matter your age." -Narciso Rodriguez 70+ Looking dignified and distinguished is of the utmost importance- and that means splurging on a little luxury. Fabrics should be of the highest quality, and tailoring should be precise. Stay true to timeless, tailored shapes, but add lushness to your look with embellished pieces. Classic hues will ensure the elegance you aim for.    *Turn up the volume on top. *A structured suit is standard. *Go to great lengths for the perfect skirt. *Jackets and coats should be standouts. "I think an older woman can be more fascinating than a younger one. Dress elegantly and you will possess timeless and ageless style." -Giorgio Armani "Age is but a number! Wear what you like and LOVE what you wear!" -Kate Hudson And Happy Friday to you! May you have a great (well dressed to impress) weekend!!!

2012: The Happy Home Project (REVISED)

How many times can one say that they've started off the new year with a project to transform their home into one filled with happiness to turn around 6 months later, be moved into a completely different house located across an entire city, a different state altogether really; and still has succeeded in maintaining their goal?

Just goes to show you, or anyone for that matter, that a home is really just a house until it's filled with your heart (which usually resides within the hands of those you love).

I'm certain those kids of mine are running around here somewhere :)

The children and I have adjusted well. It hasn't been easy up to this point but we've managed to find our new house, do some major updating, and today we are hanging out and laughing between the walls of a completely different house, yet we are here, healthy and happy to be home :)

The small cottage we've managed to move into is situated right on the lake. The city has really done some amazing things with the area over the years that I was even surprised to have seen. My mother used to live in the house next door and that yellow house next door to us is where my younger brother and sister both were raised, learning to ride their bicycles, making friends, being involved in the community, and making memories; which is exactly what I intend for my little ones :)

The house has potential, lots of it; but it was lacking in TLC entirely. Here's where I come in!!!

The walls were in complete disrepair and the painter that was hired went above the call of duty to get the plaster up to par. Aside from that: LOOK @ the VIEW! :)

Curtains = privacy. These just so happen to be pretty to look at on top of it!

This is my sanctuary, it was! 

And that's exactly what it is now! 

This doesn't appear to be much fit for a princess but...

amazing how curtains can really set the mood. It's everything girly to fit her personality to a "T" and it's perfectly fit for a princess now.

Doesn't leave much for an appetite 

Not a total Betty but a vast improvement. I'll get my creative mind stirring and figure out something to cook up in here!

Anyone would be leery of walking up these old rickety stairs

Paint and Carpet does wonders

A purple room was NOT going to cut it for my 6 year old son. Although he hadn't seen it before the transformation, I'm happy he is content now.

Like a glove! It houses a small couch where he can invite his friends over to place xbox, his own 1/2 bath for added privacy, his own floor altogether for a growing boy.

And, after the kids drift off to sleep, I can relax outside for a bit in the back of the house to recharge my batteries

Some front patio furniture is needed for the large deck across the front of the house, some potted plants, some major landscaping. It's just been so hot, it's been enough to just get the inside of the place done and ready for the move. 

It's been a long haul, I haven't lost touch of the person I truly am or what keeps me alive. There was just a minor hiccup, we've drank the water upside down to cure our ailment, and we're settled. We're here, in our home, and happy!

I am truly grateful for the lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, kids that need bathing, and sheets that need washing: it means I have a home, a happy one! :) and the view ain't so bad either

Stay tuned for more updates on The Happy Home Project (2012)

Is something burning?

The amount of words that have flooded my brain and found their way into a book I'd someday like to publish have been brewing like hot lava bubbling from within. Like that inside of a dark volcano...just patiently awaiting some shifting before spewing out and leaving a lasting imprint upon the surface of the Earth, (or the hearts of those friendly followers who enjoy the written words).


I'm going through what some would call a "transition"(al) period. Hmmm...

tran-si-tion
-nounmovement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject,concept, etc., to another; change

And I'd say that that certainly describes a portion of what I've felt over the course of this entire process. 

However, I'd add in a dash of 

train-wreck

-noun

someone or something that has suffered ruin or calamity

a pinch of 

de-spair

-noun

loss of hope; hopelessness

and just a smidge of

lost

-adjective

no longer possessed or retained

no longer to be found

having gone astray or missed the way

being something that someone has failed to win

I'd mix the combination up real well and form the contents into a ball. Place into a colder than cold stainless steel baking dish that you have removed from the freezer and place into the hottest of hot ovens. It'd then capture the essence after staying stagnant in the walls and confinement of its current home until the baker found out that the center was still pink and the outside burned to a crisp; feeling completely set on fire and later reduce to ashes that would blow away in the exhaust from overhead. 

It's like I had set out with a set of perfectly prepared directions. It was longhanded in angelic penmanship on lined papers with rolled edges and stains from previous chefs trying to master the delectable delight. I had remembered it fondly, took a mental snapshot and stowed it away in the back of the file cabinet where I left the other recipes and roadmaps; like   Herb Roasted Chicken with Au Gratin Potatoes or Chocolate Torte with Hazelnut Ganache; only upon recently doing some Spring cleaning and throwing out some things have I come across it. It wasn't what I remember it to be. Today it reads: Recipe for Disaster clearly across the top of the page and I just so happened to have all the ingredients tucked neatly away in my chaotic cupboard I've been too many cursing rather than organizing. 

I'm not bitter. That never has left a taste in my mouth. I don't feel sorry for myself, although sometimes I could use a little sympathy rather than the anger I feel towards the direction I've taken and the situation as a whole. I feel normal in the aspect that I've witnessed this already happening to so many people I love that are still around me. They all seemed to get knocked down, brush themselves off, and continue on their journey. Some even had a smile on their face as that time approached. 

The world is full of those much stronger, much braver than I. I find the sun still shines, the seasons still change, the clock keeps tick tocking it's way through the 24 hours in a day and I?!...I keep breathing. I find happiness within the laughter of my children, the light behind their eyes, the innocence in their adolescence, the skip in their step, the curiousity in their minds, the delight in their hearts at the simplest of things, the love in their entire aura and existence of tiny little beings. 

And you know what?!... that's more than enough to get me through the rainy days until the sun shines again. 

Most of all? I'm sorry for not writing more, and more, and more! Not having this other part of my life has really opened up quite a bit of time to go explore such said volcano to the depths of its core and really figure out who I am again. It's been rather ... awakening!

I wish everyone a sunshine filled summer (filled with smiles)

((( the black veil )))

...She had envisioned herself; while she lay awake in bed; in a long satin gown with chiffon detail stretched down past her ankles and a small train delicately draped behind her on the floor. She had on a veil made of lace; something she had picked up in a roadside flea market on a trip back from visiting her father years before. She threw it into a stamped burlap sack and placed it next to the silver candlesticks, inside of a cedar chest with leather straps and brass buckles. She felt accomplished by the wheeling and dealing that bantered back and forth between the keeper of the market and herself. They got some laughs out of the entire ordeal. She laughed at his southern hillbilly accent and he laughed at her stilettos and excessively large sunglasses. "City Girl," he'd say, to point out another gem he thought she'd enjoy having a look at. She could have walked away with much more, having had the room in the car. She thought of bungee straps and the need to always keep an extra set in the car for such instances. She promised she'd revisit soon and continually bring back treasures each and every time.

The veil was handcrafted and in pristine condition with black jewels dangling from the edges and a slight metallic sheen woven between the threads. She often thought of the stories behind its life, full of travels and endless pages filling leather bound books found in vintage suitcases that were carried on steam powered railroad locomotives with white smoke blowing hastily out of its stack. 

The veil covered her face; covering the black mascara that ran down her jawbone like the chills down her spine knowing he was not only fooling around with someone but treating her much like a foreign substance all the while. Not that she minded much with the lack of attention, just the sound of his voice made her skin crawl and her central nervous system gag in reflex.

The entire ensemble; excluding  her blonde hair pulled taut in a classic chignon, veil neatly pressed against her dampened face, all the way to the extension of the train that flowed behind her like the past that seemed to follow her around; was jet black, the exact color of the soul that currently fed the relationship. Black like a top hat, black like night, black like tar and black like the innards of the eye that was bruised upon the weight from his right hand...

Tidbit Tuesday :: Color w/Confidence

The weather today was irresistible and I matched my outfit to my mood, bright and cheerful. That got me thinking: with Spring being right around the corner, it's going to be time for everyone to get busy with DIY projects around their homes to get them prepped and primped for proper Spring and Summer partying. 












First and foremost: a fresh coat of paint to any interior (or exterior wall) will do wonders to liven up any space. I paint any and everything to add new life to old things and to surround myself with the colors that brighten my day.


A successful color palette creates a smooth flow room to room and can help a small house feel larger. Here is how to put color to work:


Spread the love around- Connecting with color doesn't mean that every room should use exactly the same hues in the same proportions. For color to flow, start at the front door, then move that shade through the house along with the others you pick up along the way. You dn't need to migrate the entire palette every time- just pieces of it. For example, if you start with rich coral walls in the entry, carry that hue to pillows in the living room. Continuing through the house, the coral might evolve into pink in the bedrooms or even yellow in the kitchen.


Use are to transport color- Select artwork or make your own pieces featuring the dominant colors in your palette to help pull the hues neatly together.


Let architectural features provide a smooth transition- Trimwork and molding create definitive starting and stopping points that make switching colors between rooms easier. To maintain a united front, keep your trim color consistent from room to room.




With that being said, let's discuss the basics behind wall painting.


Painting 101:


1) Prep School- Before getting started on any painting project, prepare the surface. Fill nail holes with a small dab of patching compound. No need to sand such petite blemishes; simply wipe with a damp rag. Larger holes and cracks may need to be patched and gently sanded. Finally, be sure walls are clean. Remove any grease or residue.


2) Cutting Class- Before dipping your brush for the first time, cover floors and furniture with drop cloths and plastic. And be sure to remove outlet and light switch covers. Tape around windows, doors, and trim with low-tack painter's tape. Then start small. Cut in around the room's edges with a quality 2-inch brush, hold it near the base of the handle. Keep a wet edge as you work around the room.




3) The Big W- Painting isn't brain surgery, but knowing proper techniques will make you more efficient and give you better results. Using a quality roller, start in a corner painting as close to the edges as possible. Paint a large W on the wall, filling in and overlapping areas while the paint is still wet. Repeat around the room until complete. 




4) Edge perfect- An edging tool may allow you to skip a step when dealing with windows, doors and other trim. The small wheel on the tool allows you to glide it along flat woodwork without taping it off. Take your time, though. Patience is key.




5) Clean Sweep- Cleaning up the mess after working with latex paint is fairly simple. Wash brushes and rollers with soap and water until water runs clear. To remove excess water and paint, run the curved edge of a painter's tool along the roller. When the water runs clear again, dry the roller or brush on a roller spinner, holding it inside a garbage bin or deep sink. 






Spend more for Quality- Choose your paint wisely. You'd be surprised (like a great pair of denim or stellar suit) what the extra bucks can get you!


Consider Luster- Sheen refers to the degree of shine. Generally, the higher the gloss the better the finish will stand up to stains, abrasions, and cleaning.
How to Choose a Paint Finish


Use the Right Equipment- Choose brushes with long and dense bristles. Nylon for latex and natural for oil-based paints. Talk to your local paint store employee. They should be able to set you up with all the necessities.


And?... Don't be afraid! Paint, although permanent, can always be redone. If you don't love it, change it until you do! 

Have fun with it! Not only do bright colors really liven up the space and get us looking forward to spring and summer but it's therapeutic for me. Whether you are choosing a plain white to add freshness and crispness for the approaching season or adding chartreuse to your master bathroom to liven it up. Either way, enjoy yourself! 


"One must act in painting as in life, directly."
-Pablo Picasso