Is something burning?

The amount of words that have flooded my brain and found their way into a book I'd someday like to publish have been brewing like hot lava bubbling from within. Like that inside of a dark volcano...just patiently awaiting some shifting before spewing out and leaving a lasting imprint upon the surface of the Earth, (or the hearts of those friendly followers who enjoy the written words).


I'm going through what some would call a "transition"(al) period. Hmmm...

tran-si-tion
-nounmovement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject,concept, etc., to another; change

And I'd say that that certainly describes a portion of what I've felt over the course of this entire process. 

However, I'd add in a dash of 

train-wreck

-noun

someone or something that has suffered ruin or calamity

a pinch of 

de-spair

-noun

loss of hope; hopelessness

and just a smidge of

lost

-adjective

no longer possessed or retained

no longer to be found

having gone astray or missed the way

being something that someone has failed to win

I'd mix the combination up real well and form the contents into a ball. Place into a colder than cold stainless steel baking dish that you have removed from the freezer and place into the hottest of hot ovens. It'd then capture the essence after staying stagnant in the walls and confinement of its current home until the baker found out that the center was still pink and the outside burned to a crisp; feeling completely set on fire and later reduce to ashes that would blow away in the exhaust from overhead. 

It's like I had set out with a set of perfectly prepared directions. It was longhanded in angelic penmanship on lined papers with rolled edges and stains from previous chefs trying to master the delectable delight. I had remembered it fondly, took a mental snapshot and stowed it away in the back of the file cabinet where I left the other recipes and roadmaps; like   Herb Roasted Chicken with Au Gratin Potatoes or Chocolate Torte with Hazelnut Ganache; only upon recently doing some Spring cleaning and throwing out some things have I come across it. It wasn't what I remember it to be. Today it reads: Recipe for Disaster clearly across the top of the page and I just so happened to have all the ingredients tucked neatly away in my chaotic cupboard I've been too many cursing rather than organizing. 

I'm not bitter. That never has left a taste in my mouth. I don't feel sorry for myself, although sometimes I could use a little sympathy rather than the anger I feel towards the direction I've taken and the situation as a whole. I feel normal in the aspect that I've witnessed this already happening to so many people I love that are still around me. They all seemed to get knocked down, brush themselves off, and continue on their journey. Some even had a smile on their face as that time approached. 

The world is full of those much stronger, much braver than I. I find the sun still shines, the seasons still change, the clock keeps tick tocking it's way through the 24 hours in a day and I?!...I keep breathing. I find happiness within the laughter of my children, the light behind their eyes, the innocence in their adolescence, the skip in their step, the curiousity in their minds, the delight in their hearts at the simplest of things, the love in their entire aura and existence of tiny little beings. 

And you know what?!... that's more than enough to get me through the rainy days until the sun shines again. 

Most of all? I'm sorry for not writing more, and more, and more! Not having this other part of my life has really opened up quite a bit of time to go explore such said volcano to the depths of its core and really figure out who I am again. It's been rather ... awakening!

I wish everyone a sunshine filled summer (filled with smiles)